23 March 2005

RedNeck Studies Department

The Homogeneous Corporate Moonbat Problem

There has been much trouble of late at various universities. The controversy invariably emanates from some politically correct ethnic studies department, gender agnostic studies department, or perhaps the womens studies department . These departments of study are usually created; ostensibly, to correct some perceived wrong. To ameliorate past "atrocities" perpetrated by society writ large.

The creation of these departments by various university executive staff is always cited as some sort of "outreach" program designed to enhance diversity and awareness. The problem, as I observe academia today, is that like lemmings marching off the cliff; they all strive to create diversity by aping the actions of other universities. The unintended consequence is that almost all university faculty and staff begin to sound the same left-wing-enviro-centric-terrorist-appeasing-hate-America-first rhetoric.

The homogeneousness of these moonbat rants do nothing whatsoever to encourage "diversity". Once you've heard the angry American-man-hating-environmentalist-rant of one moonbat womens/ethnic studies professor, you've heard them all. It's corporate homogeneity. It's similar to going to a Starbucks in Jackson, TN or uptown Charlotte, NC or downtown Portland, OR. You will get the same thing everytime, everyplace. Same thing with McDonalds, regardless of where you happen to visit one of their outlets. It is this type of corporate homogeneity that the moonbat-left so despises in everything from Wal-Mart to Starbucks. Yet in the academy, which the political left in this country owns without question, the moonbat-left can only produce that which it despises.

The Answer to the Homogeneous Corporate Moonbat Problem

The only solution I can see to break this unfortunate cycle is to sacrifice myself. I humbly offer my services as a candidate for hire, to Found and Chair a Redneck Studies department at any university willing to take a real stand for diversity. Diversity of thought.

My qualifications are as follows: BS degree in Communications and Political Science from University of Memphis.

Oh yeah, and I drive a gnarly old USAF line truck, with an NRA bumper sticker on it. Everyday.

I will require a salary commensurate with that of other university level department heads; say in the $100,000-$200,000 range. Creating such a department is the only solution to the appalling lack of diversity in our American university system today. The very existence of such a department would surely attract a new range of students to university who might not otherwise attend. Diversity demands it.

Areas of Study

Some of the curricula would include but are not limited to the following.

Beer and Victuals Studies -

Domestic Beers: 3.0 hrs Underrated and overlooked? Extensive field work in this area of study, as well as possible corporate grant opportunities for the University. One key question examined would be the paradox of duality presented by the Shiner Bock beer.
Shiner Bock: Fancy German Import or Downhome Texas Brew?

Brewing Techniques: 3.0 hrs Applied brewing theory. Students must successfully complete batch of IPA, Pilsner, and Stout suitable for human consumption.

BBQ 3.0 hrs Applied analysis of smoke cooking methods. Critical examination of dry rub vs wet sauce methodologys. Reccomend course be taken concurrently with Large Game Phys Ed course.

Truckology -Getting in touch with your inner gearjammer.

Truck Selection, the importance of: 3.0 hrs 3/4 Ton or 1/2 Ton? What are the differences and why are they important? Four wheel drive or two? Solid axles or IFS? Gas or Diesel powerplants, and how the selection you make reflects on you.

History of Monster Trucks: 3.0 hrs Examination of Monster truck history. Course includes viewing of the 1981 film "Take This Job and Shove It" and analysis of its impact on the monster truck movement in America.

Truckology 3000 3.0hrs Course includes critical examination of the question of whether or not to allow Toyota trucks into NASCAR sanctioned events. Is legislation called for? Note: Students required to attend truck racing events.

Dept of Redneck Studies Phys Ed Courses

Large game course: 3.0 hrs Real world application of woodsmanship, preparation and techniques required to land and field dress Elk, Bear, Mule Deer. Extensive field work required with this course. Able to obtain proper permits from various state game agencies. Prerequisite: Satisfactory completion of Domestic Beer course work. See advisor.

Large game course Lab: 1.0 hrs. Required with course above. Requires rifle of 30.06 cal or greater. Ammunition furnished, with paid activities fee.

Trout Studies: 3.0 hrs Dry fly tying techniques. Roll casting and presentation. The importance of weight forward fly lines in fishing Pacific NW coastal rivers. Course examines question: Are trout actually smarter than your average liberal-socialist-wannabe? Course emphasizes catch and eat practices.

Steelhead Studies: 3.0hrs Extensive field work. Must be able to obtain proper permits from various state game agencies.

Overseas study: 3.0 hrs Applied theory in Alaskan Salmon fishing. Coursework requires extended periods on remote Alaskan rivers. Course Prerequisites; successful completion of Trout and Steelhead study coursework.

NASCAR studies

History of NASCAR 3.0hrs Course includes rigorous examination of history and development of sport, from post war years to today. Which driver had the greatest impact; Dale Earnhardt, Richard Petty, or Fireball Roberts?

Prejudices and Biases in NASCAR 3.0 hrs Critical examination of NASCAR rule structure. Is there a bias in favor of GM products? Were Chryslers HEMI-powered, winged cars of the early 1970's the victim of a rules conspiracy?
Note: Course participation requires prerequisite History of NASCAR. Entry without course prerequisite by waiver of department chair only.

Film, Music and Media studies

RedNeck Films Survey 4.0 hrs Course incudes viewing, analysis, and comparison of such Hot Rod-Cold Beer classics as "Gator", "Bullitt" , "Vanishing Point", and "Smokey and the Bandit" . Final exam to involve intensive analysis of the underrated 1952 John Wayne classic "Big Jim McClain" and its political ramifications.

Music History 4.0hrs Course involves intensive examination and review of both types of music: Country AND Western.

RedNeck Sexuality studies

RetroSexuality 3.0 hrs Course compares and contrasts the vastly different lifestyle issues of Retrosexuality and Metrosexuality.

Redneck Foreplay 3.0 hrs Course teaches such successul techniques as "Get in the truck woman". As well as the importance of Don Williams, Conway Twitty, and Patsy Cline music to the seduction process.

Interested University recruiting personnel are encouraged to contact the author care of this blog.